Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
So Baby Bruce gets the news about the GCPD shoot out and rushes over.
“Last time we spoke, I was very hard on you. I came to apologize” – Baby Bruce
“…” – Jim still covered in blood and with that thousand yard stare
Oh hey, looks like Bullocks back on the force!
So, here’s a piece of tv that I wish was more fiction than reality:
“We’re reporting to you from the site of the GCPD massacre and have just obtained footage from the attackers. We warn you, what you are about to see may be disturbing”
THEN DON’T FLIPPING SHOW IT ON THE NEWS!
This week in Gotham
Starting this week’s episode off right with Jimmy chucking a dude out of a window. We’re off to a great start.
Correction, two dudes out the window
Babs doesn’t like to stay sorta single for long, already making out with evil whip lady.
So Ciel/Theo is super mad that his family which allegedly built Gotham doesn’t have a street named after them. The audacity!
The news continues showing Not-Joker shooting people on live TV.
Wow, only 10 people died at the GCPD shootout. I say “only”, because there were a lot more bodies during the scene. Thanks for the recap Jim.
Yay! The blind fortune teller/Not-Joker’s dad is back from season 1!
Seriously, I think they’re trying to set up evil whip lady as Proto-Catwoman. She wears a leather cat suit, her nickname is Tabby, she uses a whip, has a flail in her belt that hangs like a tail, and I swear she’s rummaging around the fridge for a carton of milk.
So Not-Joker is setting up his Blind-Dad as the fall guy for the Arkham breakout. Seems super elaborate considering they just.
Ah, the old dead guy knife in the eye with a hand covering the knock out gas trick.
Alfy takes Baby Bruce to a Childrens Hospital Charity/birthday?/shindig, apparently it’s a big deal there’s a magician at this thing.
Meanwhile, Kitten is dressed to the 9’s picking pockets. Another chance for Baby Bruce to be awkward with girls.
Babs is dressed as one of the witches from Hocus Pocus. Not even kidding.
So, the deputy mayor is all like “Ciel/Theo! A new billionaire in town! And look your sister Tabby. My wife will kill me if I didn’t get any good gossip about you”
“He’s a monster in the sack” – Ciel/Theo’s sister Tabby
“So how do you go from being in the Royal marines to being a butler.” – DrGirlfriendLee
“Well it’s all a bit tedious really.” – Alfy
So Alfy starts hitting on DrGirlfriendLee.
“You should come by the manor for dinner some night” – Alfy
“That’s very kind but – “ – DrGirlfriendLee
“I know the head chef at Ches Parnez” – Alfy
“I really shou- Did you say Ches Parnez?” – DrGirlfriendLee
And Baby Bruce swoops in like a tiny bat to save DrGirlfriendLee from letting Alfy know she’s already dating Jim. BatWingMan!
“Why don’t you just pop off to the bar Master Baby Bruce” – Alfy
I doubt they’d card him.
“For years magicians have entertained at the children’s hospital. So we brought one for all of you.” The room is full of attractive women ages 20~40 (save for Kitten) and men ages 40~85 (save for BabyBruce). And they think a magician popping out of a box is the most hilarious thing in the world…. What is this? I know I usually have something to follow that, but seriously, I got nothing.
In an elaborate game of Duck, Duck, Goose, someone gets picked who rhymes with the last bird. Can you guess who?
So the trick is sawing Baby Bruce in half. And suddenly Alfy’s all like, “Wait, wait, wait, just a second”
This is all your fault Alfy!
Wait, so Jim and Bullock are legitimately considering the dead blind old man who lived alone as the one who helped the Maniax bust out of Arkham and that Not-Joker in the mastermind behind the whole thing? Would have been way more compelling if the audience didn’t already know how farcical and untrue that was. Well, at least Jim doesn’t seem convinced.
Ha ha ha! Baby Bruce was cut in half. And then put back together. Silly Alfy, it was all a magic trick.
The Lovely Assistant blows a kiss at Baby Bruce (maybe?) after the trick.
“Do those two seem familiar to you?” – DrGirlfriendLee talking to Alfy
Lovely Assistant takes a bow, her mask falls off for a second, revealing Lovely Assistant Babs!
“You son of a-!” – DrGirlfriendLee
So DrGirlfriendLee calls up Jim quick to spill the beans on Babs only to get grabbed from behind with a mysterious white handkerchief, all the while 3 feet behind Alfy and Baby Bruce.
Royal marine my eye!
“Next can we have the Deputy Mayor come up for this knife trick?”
So DepMayor gets stabbed and dudes with Mac10’s start shooting up the place.
“Come on Master Baby Bruce, it’s time to leave.” – Alfy
So Jim arrives at the scene to find out he’s the highest ranking officer on site, Not-Joker has strung of DrGirlfriendLee to the knife throwing wheel and it’s being broadcast on live TV.
…and the prom’s tomorrow!
Oh man, so Ciel/Theo comes out of the crowd of rich peoples and goes “No, you’re a bad guy! And we won’t take it anymore! Think of the children!” The delivery by Ciel/Theo is so rehearsed, I can’t believe no one is catching on. He even looks at the camera when he introduces himself.
Kitten and Baby Bruce are trying to sneak out the back door.
“Wait, I have to go back!” – Baby Bruce
“HE WAS KILLING PEOPLE!” – Kitten
“Yes, but Alfy’s back there.” – Baby Bruce
And you’re the one who ran off after Kitten while he was doing old timey CQC that would make Big Boss proud.
“Kitten, I miss you. I just wanted you to know that.” – Baby Bruce.
Timing Bruce! Timing!
“Nuh-uh, we ain’t goin’ in there” – Cop 1
“Yes you are!” – Jim
“Nuh-uh” – Cop 1
*Jim spots Kitten sneaking out*
“Okay, you’re not. I’mma go alone.” – Jim
Unrelated, Babs is totally stoned. She decides to chat up DrGirlfriendLee while she’s tied up.
“I’m gonna make a prediction. Within a year, Jim and I will be back together. You know why?” – Babs
Because the future of Batgirl unfortunately depends on it?
And then DrGirlfriendLee kicked her in the… er lady parts.
So they’re already setting up Proto-Catwoman as Tabby. Are they trying to make Babs into Proto-Harley Quinn? She plays the psycho, giggling, ditsy Lovely Assistant a little too well.
So Not-Joker calls out for Baby Bruce to step forward (he’s hiding just behind the curtains across the room). When he doesn’t show, Babs is like “Kill his butler”. So Baby Bruce is all like “I’mma go out there!” and the Jim swoops in and is like “… no”
As a side note, the kid playing Baby Bruce does a pretty awesome job as a child actor. 2 points kid!
So Baby Bruce runs up to Alfy and whispers “Here’s a gat! Jim’’s behind the curtains!”
“Go check behind the curtain” – Not-Joker
Dude goes to check and Jim pops out with a BLAMO to the face!
Let the shoosting begin!
So then Ciel/Theo pops up (he’d gotten conked on the head by Babs) and is all “I said enough!” and stabs Not-Joker in the neck. Looks like for realsies.
Babs is just sitting there watching for a second and then looks up with a “Oh sh**!” look and bolts. She seriously escapes by jumping into a magic box and disappearing.
Meanwhile, Pen Pen is watching this on TV from his Godfather chair
“See it’s someone like that who has no plans of building things.”
So Bullock decided to stop by Pen Pen’s place and mocks him for being Fish’s old umbrella man.
Back at the scene, Ciel/Theo does the handshake around and gets everyone’s “If you need just let us know”
And to close out the night Alfy’s like “I hope we get to see more of you DrGirlfriendLee” while Jim is standing right next to her going “WHHHHHAAAAA?”
Thankfully BatWingMan swoops in again to save the day!
And then Jim calls back to an earlier part of the ep where DrGirlfriendLee made him kiss her so he would stop being depressed and has her kiss him so that Alfy can see.
“Oh bugger.” – Alfy
“Come along Alfy.” – Baby Bruce
“You knew didn’t you” – Alfy
Ciel/Theo gloating over his new found “Hero of Gotham” Facebook status
“Poor Not-Joker though” – Babs
“Eh, he had such compelling character but limited. He would never last long” – Ciel/Theo
He’s just jealous. Speaking of:
Babs start macking on Ciel/Theo while a jealous Tabby watches on. For whom? You decide!
We close out tonight’s episode with the news re-showing all the Not-Joker highlights whilst a montage of viewers are shown giggling along with him, with random stabbings. Either something’s in the water or they just wanted to say “Yeah, well HE wasn’t the real Joker, but maybe he inspired him…?”
I guess :/
Tune in next week where things in Gotham are so bad, they call in the dude from The Shield. Michael Chiklis joins the team as Captain Nathaniel Barnes.