Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
“Pen Pen, what the hell? Why you be killing mayor peeps?” – Jim
“Not a good time Jim!” – Pen Pen
“There’s a new Cappy in town and if they find out it was you they are going to arrest you for being bad! No more deals, no more favors!” – Jim
“Oh yeah!?! Well you came alone cause you don’t want your new friends to know that you murdered a dude for me, and that you asked me to run the old commish out of town so you could have your job back!” – Pen Pen
This week in Gotham
Fun fact “Scarification” is not a “the act of making something more scary” (despite being close to a certain spooky holiday). Rather, it is the “… scratching, etching, burning / branding, or superficially cutting designs, pictures, or words into the skin as a permanent body modification”
The more you know.
Editor’s Note: Trae thinks Arcemise has led a pretty sheltered life where he didn’t already know that, and he is confused as to why Arcemise bothered making it a “fun fact.”
Pen Pen brings Theo/Ciel the gift of a trunk.
“Pen Pen, my friend” – Theo/Ciel
“Thanks for calling me a friend” – Pen Pen
“Figure of speech, my mistake” – Theo/Ciel
“I wish you wouldn’t freak out the help.” – Theo/Ciel to Tabby
“I get bored” – Tabby
Turns out there was a dude in that trunk. Who knew?
It’s the dude whose kinda running Wayne Ent.
And then Tabby brandishes a knife and screaming happens off camera.
Meanwhile, the A-Team, is busting a money laundering scene where the baddies are armed with the wimpiest RPG-7 known to mankind.
They’re like “Look out! Rocket launcher!”
*Fires*…..zoom….. *boop* *tiny fire* *not even close*
Meanwhile, Pen Pen is having a bad day.
“Wah! How do I save my mom!?” – Pen Pen
“Don’t know” – ButchIsBest
Meanwhile, Nigma awkwardly invites Jim and DrGirlfriendLee on a double date with him and Ms. Kringle. Fondue at the Doc’s place!
Theo/Ciel slinks out of the shadows to ask Jim for an endorsement for his mayorship.
“Er… I don’t do endorsements. Police and politics don’t mix” – Jim
ButchTheBest goes with Kitten to find some arsonists to help Pen Pen burn down a new target for Tabby. The plot thickens!
Kitten takes the time to have a heart to heart with the sister of the pyros because her brothers smack her around. Cause Gotham needed a little dose of Frank Miller.
Okay, so, there is a warehouse shopping center called “Merc” that specializes in selling illegal substances including: dynamite, jugs of acid, giant red exploding video game barrels, machetes, brass knuckles, etc… Comes complete with shopping carts, elevator music, and a calming PA system to let you know what’s on sale. A stick of plastique will run you $499.99
So the cops raid the place and Jim & Barney chase down one of the pyro boys. Shots are fired and the boy blows up. Like literally in front of us. What is this, The End of Evangelion?
“What the hell are you packing?” – Barney to Jim
After returning from the commercial break, we join DrGirlfriendLee fonduing with Nigma and Miss Kringle. Then Jim shows up (without the Seinfeld intro)
“You wouldn’t believe this, but Nigma is actually being really cool” – DrGirlfriendLee
Yay, more familial abuse with the Pyros! Wait… They make the sister replace the exploded brother to complete the job.
On a related note, the thing cut out of the Wayne Ent guy was an eyeball, needed to get in a safe.
After one night of blowing things up with her family, Bridgette decides to sew a fire suit for herself cause burning things is fun, but safety is important. Kitten swings by to see how things are going.
“What good’s freedom if you’re alone!” – Pyro Bridgette
“What good’s family if you’re a slave!?” – Kitten
The looks that go on between Pen Pen and ButchTheBest are the greatest.
So, in the safe I mentioned earlier, the pyros stole a knife Tabby requested. Before turning it over, Pen Pen gets a wizened antiques dealer to come in and share its history.
“This knife is cursed”
What is this, Supernatural?
“Hundreds of years ago, five families ruled Gotham. The Elliots, The Keins, The Crowns, The Dumases, and the most powerful of them all, The Waynes!!!!”
What follows is a overly complicated name dropping tale about a Wayne girl who was promised to an Elliot man, but was coveted by a Dumas guy. Dumas and Wayne get together at a party one night, when discovered Dumas says they’re in love, but Wayne says she was forced so Dumas got his arm sliced off (in front of the camera no less)
…the heck is wrong with this show!?
So the Waynes wiped the name of Dumar from the history of the city and the remaining Dumases had to change their name to Galavant…. Theo/Ciel’s last name… Duh, duh, duh!!!!
So Pen Pen’s plan is to have ButchTheBest go to Theo/Ciel saying Pen Pen’s gone paranoid crazy and that Butch needs a new job. Then when he’s in the organization, he’ll find and save Pen Pen’s mother.
“But Theo/Ciel’s a smart guy, and that’s a simple play. He won’t buy it.” – ButchTheBest
“No, but he’ll buy that I think you went traitor. We just have to sell it right” – Pen Pen
Then Pen Pen proceeds to chop off ButchTheBest’s hand…
…What is this, Dead Space?
So the Pyro’s next stop is to burn down a book depository owned by the Waynes. What is this, Farenheit 451?
And then Bridgette comes out with the flame thrower! A-Teammate Garret goes for the tackle but gets lit on fire.
He dies off camera.
So Jim goes over to Theo/Ciel and is like
“Baddies be crazy, they don’t follow no rules. We need every method at our disposal, and I’m not just talking about more guns” – Jim
“You need to go where you need to go, press who you need to press and have the city back your play.” – Theo/Ciel
“…. correct” – Jim totally not understanding a word that was just said
“If you can help us out, I’ll give you my endorsement.” – Jim
“No prob.” – Theo/Ciel
Handshake of justice!
So Theo/Ciel wanders back to his place and finds a dude dressed in a holocaust cloak chilling by the fire.
“Father Creo” – Theo/Ciel
“Theo/Ciel, it has been a long time” – PappyCreo
What is with these names?
“The revolution is at hand! We have warriors coming from across the sea the likes of which this city has never known! And Baby Bruce will die!” – PappyCreo
…are the Redcoats coming?
And as the camera zooms in on an old guy’s face, we close out this week’s dismembering episode of Gotham. Join us next week and Pyro Briddgie evolves into the classic Batman villain Briddgie-Fly