Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
So Theo/Ciel wanders back to his place and finds a dude dressed in a holocaust cloak chilling by the fire.
“Father Creo” – Theo/Ciel
“Theo/Ciel, it has been a long time” – PappyCreo
What is with these names?
“The revolution is at hand! We have warriors coming from across the sea the likes of which this city has never known! And Baby Bruce will die!” – PappyCreo
…are the Redcoats coming?
This week in Gotham
We open up with Butch The Best trying to convince Theo/Ciel that Pen Pen’s gone crazy (not too far off) while a dude balances on books in the background with his neck in a noose.
Then Tabby’s all “Yeah! Let’s bring him on! We can put all sorts of cool things on his stump!”
“Ooh! How ‘bout a little, tiny chainsaw!” – Babs
“Well that settles it, welcome aboard.” – Theo/Ciel
Turns out the hanging dude was a congressman Theo/Ciel was asking for support. Hearts and minds.
And now the rooks are quoting regulations at Jim as he roughs up a suspect in the street. Jim is all “I do wha I wan”
You heard it folks, a female fire bug is a rare deal, “Like a unicorn or something”
Bridgie Bug and Kitten are chilling at Kitten’s place.
“I can’t go anywhere, I don’t have any money!” – Bridgie Bug
“I know where we can get some.” – Kitten
“You mean like… crime?” – Bridgie Bug
(and yes, that’s a direct quote)
Meanwhile, at the local sex trafficking/Zoolander runway model competition… Kitten and Bridgie Bug are going to rob the place.
So they hold up all these nefarious people at pistol and flame thrower point and force them to hand over random sums of money. Kittens starts to leave with a eloquent speech about the moral outrage she feels about the whole thing: “You all suck”
Then they head out the front door, leaving all those women locked up. Our heroes ladies and gent…. wait.
Also, why are we taking even more cues from Frank Miller’s playbook?
“Aw man, you made a note in my file? Are you serious?” – Jim
“Do I look like I’m joking? We do not beat suspects! Ever!” – Barney
Says the guy from the show who routinely used a folding chair for more than sitting on The Shield
So, someone had a video camera set up across the street from the sex trade runway club and sent it into the police showing Bridgie Bug and Kitten making their getaway.
“This is our Fire Fly, we don’t know who the other one is” – Barney
“… I do… aw man.” – Jim
Meanwhile, Alfy is beating up Baby Bruce.
“I’m tired of patience! I’m ready now!” – Baby Bruce punch punch punch
“Sure you are.” – Alfy
“I am I am I am!” – Baby Bruce punch punch punch
“By the way, Miss Silver called, asking to go to dinner
*stops* “She did?” – Baby Bruce
Meanwhile, Nigma gets to eavesdrop on Miss Kringle and Dr Girlfriend Lee gossiping about how he’s a good guy, but “I just wish he had a bit more of a dangerous side to him”
…Really? You just complained about how the last boyfriend you had (who Nigma murdered by the way) was too rough with you and now you have a new guy that’s treating you great you’re like “Wouldn’t it be great if he had a dark side?” In GOTHAM no less!
Kitten’s about to see Bridgie Bug off when the Pyro family drives by in their van and snatch her up! Oh noes!
Jim goes to Kitten to find out where Bridgie Bug is only to find Kitten walking out with a double barrel and a bandolier of shells.
“Are you going after her?” – Jim
“… No.” – Kitten
“That’s a yes.” – Jim
Meanwhile, the Pyro family has Bridgie Bug chained up and starts throwing fire crackers at her whilst complaining about hurt feelings.
Meanwhile, they gave Butch The Best a metal mallet for his hand. He swings back buy Pen Pen to give him an update.
The Pyro family are playing some stupid knuckle slapping game when Bridgie Bug walks back in fully decked with her suit and flamethrower.
“What are you gonna do, kill us?” – Pyro Dad
“Yep” – Bridgie Bug
“Wait, whaaaAAAAAHAHHAHAHAHHA” – Pyro Dad
Jim and Bullock find the charred remains of the Pyros in there place.
“I hate how it smells like good barbecue” – Bullock
Charred Pyro Bro suddenly wakes gasping and grabs Bullock’s leg. Bullock proceeds to scream and kick the poor guy back to death.
“What, he scared the hell out of me!” – Bullock
“But why were these guys burning down Wayne Ent stuff?” – Jim stubbornly trying to remind us of the plot.
“Who cares!? There’s a freaky, Fire Fly on the loose with a flame thrower!” – Bullock
“Hey Butch, hope things are good. I know you’re a spy for Pen Pen. How’d he get you to agree to the hand thing?” – Theo/Ciel
“I’m a servant. I have to obey him in all things.” – Butch The Best
“He’s really done a number on you huh? Maybe we can help. Tabby, can you come here please?” – Theo/Ciel
“Hey Cappy, we’re on the look out for the Fire Fly” – Jim
“Good, keep me posted.” – Barney
“Uh… look, she was abused her whole life and forced to set those fires and I promised my informant she would be safe” – Jim
“Weren’t you saying how the rook who died deserved justice?” – Barney
“That’s what I said but-” – Jim
“And now she’s added two more bodies to the pile?” – Barney
“Uh… yeah” – Jim
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Find her and take her down” – Barney
“Uh… okay” – Jim
Kitten tracks down Bridgie Fly on the roof of a building, putting together her fuel pack.
“Uh… how’s it going?” – Kitten
“Going great! Burned those guys real good!” – Bridgie Fly
“Uh… you don’t sound the same” – Kitten
“I’m not! I’m free! And I’m gonna show all the pervs and the bullies, the ones who hurt people like us!”
Cue Let it Go!
“Don’t do it! You’re gonna get killed!” – Kitten
“Thanks, it’s nice to have someone who cares.” – Bridgie Fly
“I don’t care, I just think you’re being dumb.” – Kitten (starts to walk away)
“Good luck!” – Kitten
Also, points for successfully passing the Bechdel Test
What do you know? Baby Bruce was invited to have dinner with Silver and Theo/Ciel and Tabby.
Nigma’s having dinner too! Everyone’s eating!
“Oh Nigma, it’s so good. You’ll spoil me!” – Miss Kringle
“I won’t stop, I want to spoil you.” – Nigma
“Oh Nigma, so forceful” – Miss Kringle indicating she likes it… er the food…. I guess
Post dinner make out
So Bridgie fly returned to the sex slave runway club to set everyone on fire and let the girls out. And then the cops show up.
Also, Jim sucks at negotiating.
A stray shot goes off and hits the fuel tank. Bridgie Fly goes crazy with the fire and torches a cop car. The resulting explosion sets her on fire too.
Meanwhile, Theo/Ciel has a heart to heart with Baby Bruce and is all “Dude there’s some bad guys at your company. I can help you out if that’s cool”
“Sure” – Baby Bruce
Meanwhile (there’s a lot of those this week) Kitten’s sitting at Jim’s place, pointing a shotgun at Dr Girlfriend Lee.
Jim comes home “Oh hey Kitten, sorry about this Dr. Girlfriend Lee” – Jim
“Oh, no problem” – Dr. Girlfriend Lee
Kitten lets slip Pen Pen was involved in the fires and that she’s never talking to Jim again.
Moral of the episode, Jim shouldn’t make promises. He’s like 0 and 5 now.
Oh hey, post loving with Nigma. Cause I needed to see that.
“I hope my old boyfriend doesn’t find out!” – Miss Kringle
“Not a problem” – Nigma
“Seriously though, you’re not a fighter. No way you could take him on” – Miss Kringle
“Well, uh… I stood up for you to him a while back and uh, long story short, I killed him” – Nigma
“… ha ha, you had me going there” – Miss Kringle
“No really” – Nigma
“That’s not funny.” – Miss Kringle
“I’m not being funny” – Nigma, goes and gets the old boyfriend’s badge from a drawer
Oh my gosh! Wanting a dangerous guy as a boyfriend completely backfired! Who could have predicted this!?! And in the ensuing freak out, Miss Kringle winds up dead.
Sorry if that sounds a lot like victim blaming. It’s more just poor writing since it proves Jeff Foxworthy was right. (look up his “dangerous man” bit)
We close out the episode with the burned body of Bridgie Fly being carted down a dark hallway with two orderlies talking.
“They said she was dead, but she’s still alive”
“Yeah, and that suit she was wearing melted to her skin. She’s like fire proof now”
… uh, I don’t try this at home kids.
Also, welcome to Indian Hill (a Wayne Ent. division for freaks)