Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
Bridgie Fly is carted down a dark hallway with two orderlies talking.
“They said she was dead, but she’s still alive”
“Yeah, and that suit she was wearing melted to her skin. She’s like fire proof now”
… uh, I don’t try this at home kids.
Also, welcome to Indian Hill (a Wayne Ent. division for freaks)
This week in Gotham
Opening up the episode, Pen Pen is stomping around the docks looking for Mommy Dearest. What do you know, he found her.
But Theo/Ciel and Tabby are there waiting for them!
“Butch! Shoot them in the head!” – PenPen
PenPen’s thugs are dead.
“Butch! You team killing f-tard!” – PenPen
After a bit of begging and groveling, they let Mommy Dearest go! Happy reunion!
Tabby goes in for the group hug but forgets she has a knife in her hand and stabs Mommy Dearest in the back… oops
“Hnnnnngghhhh…. bleeegghhhhhhh” – Mommy Dearest
Theo/Ciel falls for the Marty Mcfly/coward bit and Pen Pen lures him in close enough to get a slash with the knife before hobbling to the window, jumping out and abruptly cutting to the title card.
Meanwhile, Nigma wakes up to find Nigma-Durden lurking around his apartment.
“Do you like magic tricks? Of course, I do. I can hide a body!” – Nigma-Durden
We find out Miss Kringle’s body is missing, replaced with a hallmark card and a “?”
“I stashed the body at the GCPD.” – Nigma-Durden
“You hijacked my body and stole my dead girlfriend’s body!” – Nigma-Prime
“Well, yeah. You better get over there by the way, you want to find the body first right?” – Nigma-Durden
“Hey Silver Cloud, go make sure your hit on Baby Bruce so no one can tell him I’m about to steal his company” –
“See this finger, I’ve got a little Bruce wrapped tight around it.” – Silver Cloud (and yes, direct quote)
Theo/Ciel strolls into the GCPD to say Pen Pen tried to kill him.
“Hey, Pen Pen came to me saying I should drop out of the mayor race.” – Theo/Ciel
“You said no?” – Jim
“I politely declined.” – Theo/Ciel
“So he stabbed you in the neck?” – Jim
“Yeah.” – Theo/Ciel
“We believe he’s responsible for a lot of stuff” – Barney
“And he tried to kill me twice. Clearly, he is a menace.” – Theo/Ciel
The delivery is so nonchalant that I can’t figure out why no one has caught on yet.
Oh hey, Harvey Face.
“I gots an arrest warrant for Pen Pen. Also the judge declared a state of emergency.” – Harvey Face
“What does that mean exactly?” – Barney
“As soon as I’m sworn in, we instate a curfew and do a door to door with your special task force until you find Pen Pen!” – Theo/Ciel
“Er…. isn’t that martial law” – Jim
“You’ll have our full support” – Barney
“I don’t know man. Kicking down doors of random citizens and policing through fear doesn’t make us any better than Pen Pen.” – Jim
“At the end of the day, people want to feel safe” – Theo/Ciel (note “feel” and not “be” safe)
“And remember Jim, you came to me.” – Theo/Ciel
Theo/Ciel walks away with foreboding music and a sinister slowmo look back.
“Aw man” – Jim
Meanwhile, Kitten swings by Baby Bruce’s mansion to say
“Hi, listen, I have this friend named Bridgie who built this fire suit thing and I just need someone to talk to-” – Kitten
“Er, I have a lady friend over” – Baby Bruce
“Oh hey! Another one for dinner. Go tell Alfy to set another place” – Silver Cloud
Exeunt Baby Bruce
“Now that it’s just us girls, let me give you some advice. You come around here again, that’d be bad… for you.” – Silver Cloud
So Nigma-Prime’s running around trying to solve the riddle where Nigma-Durden hid the body to a super jazzy tune. Finds her hand in the vending machine…. yeah
What is this “Jazz Fever” by Rachel Bloom?
“You forgot your keys at my place again.” – DrGirlfriendLee
“Thanks… wait, what’s this one?” – Jim
“A key to my apartment.” – DrGirlfriendLee
“Oh…great… uh, do you want a key to my place?” – Jim
“Not even a little bit. Wait, you have a place?” – DrGirlfriendLee
“Uh… I think so.” – Jim
“I love the smell of your tea Alfy, it reminds me of the blah blah I’m rich talking blah blah” – Silver Cloud
“Yeah, that smell really slaps you in the face, doesn’t it Alfy?” – Kitten
“So Selina, have any family?” – Silver Cloud
“You’re really buying her act? Let me ask you a question, how long have you been a two-faced slut?” – Kitten
You know, for kids!
“I’m sorry Brucie, I have to go *cry cry*” – Silver Cloud
Exeunt Silver Cloud
“What did you just do!?!” – Baby Bruce
“Listen, I know you’re not the best judge of character, but I just did you a favor” – Kitten
Baby Bruce is like *I’m the World’s Best Baby Detective darnit!*
“Maybe I’m not the best judge of character, cause I thought you were my friend. Weh!” – Baby Bruce
Meanwhile Nigma-Prime inspects the hand for more clues. Another riddle, this time about grammar.
Meanwhile, on stake out.
“Hey Bullock, do you buy Theo/Ciel’s story about Pen Pen?” – Jim
“Questions like that are above my pay grade and below my curiosity.” – Bullock
“But isn’t the timing weird? A few months ago, no one knew who Theo/Ciel was. Then he shows up right when the previous mayor goes missing, there’s the massacre at the gala that turns him into a hero, Pen Pen assassinates the other mayor candidate and he then launches his campaign. I’m just saying” – Jim
“No Jim, that’s dumb.” – Bullock
Jim and Bullock bust into a place to confront Butch the Best only to have Sasz show up with his guns (no, that will never be right!)
“Anyone who leaves now, lives. Anyone who leaves later, dies.” – Zsasz
“Sorry Butch” – Butch the Best’s thugs scram.
“Tell us what this has to do with Pen Pen, or we leave you with Zsasz” – Jim
“Aw man.” – Butch the Best, he spills the beans about Theo/Ciel
Sasz starts the shoosting! Thankfully Butch the Best had two M249 Squad Automatic Weapons lying around. Bullock and Jim light up the street.
“I’ll take that as a no. See you later folks.” – Zsasz
“Hey Mr. Theo/Ciel.” – Baby Bruce
“Baby Bruce, how are you?” – Theo/Ciel
“I’m here to see Silver Cloud.” – Baby Bruce
“She’s here, she seemed upset earlier.” – Theo/Ciel
“Well, a friend of mine stopped over and-” – Baby Bruce
“Say no more, I was young once too.” – Theo/Ciel
…what does that mean?
“No one kills Theo/Ciel but me!” – Pen Pen
“Boss, I know what you’re going through. A mother’s love is the most beautiful thing.” – Random Thug
“GABE!” – Pen Pen
“But the cops aren’t gonna let within a 100 feet of Theo/Ciel. Let us kill him for you.” – Thug Gabe
“No!” – Pen Pen
Theo/Ciel has his mayoral celebration party all backlit with a giant picture of his face. What is this, Citizen Kane?
Nigma-Prime finds the body of Miss Kringle locked away in the M.E.’s morgue. Before he can exeunt, DrGirlfriendLee walks in.
“Nigma, what are you doing in here?” – DrGirlfriendLee
“Er, uh, um, I was hoping to talk to you here, alone.” – Nigma
“Okay.” – DrGirlfriendLee
“It’s about Miss Kringle… we had a fight” – Nigma
“Oh Nigma, you know every couple goes through a rough patch.” – DrGirlfriendLee whilst camera is tastefully (see “tastelessly”) watching with the dead body front and center.
Meanwhile, Pen Pen and gang are just hobbling up the party and are easily spotted by GCPD sniper team.
“I’ve got eyes on the target, it’s Pen Pen” – Sniper Martinez
“Hold your fire, perimeter unit prepare to engage.” – Jim
Kerpowwwwww! Pen Pen silhouette goes down
“I said hold your fire!” – Jim
“Wasn’t us, we have an unknown shooter on the roof!” – Sniper Martinez
Pan up to Tabby with her rifle.
Duh duh duh! It wasn’t Pen Pen, all the goons are dressed like him! Let the shoosting begin!
Sniper Martinez gets the drop on Tabby, gets smacked by the whip and then stilettoed in the neck. Special Task Force A Squad is down to 2.
Jim runs Theo/Ciel to the back exeunt only to have Pen Pen get the drop on him into a Mexican standoff.
“Jim let me shoost!” – Pen Pen
“You know I can’t let you do that” – Jim
In the tiniest voice ever: “he killed my mother jim” – Pen Pen
“I know” – Jim
Bullock shows up to add another gun pointed at Pen Pen
“C’mon Jim, he’s a bad guy. He does bad thing and he’s gonna do more” – Pen Pen
Pen Pen takes a hit from Tabby’s sniping again but sneaks into the limo and drives off
Meanwhile, Baby Bruce gets to kissy kiss with Silver Cloud, whilst Kitten watches from across the street.
“I thought you were going to take down the monsters of this city Jim” – Theo/Ciel
“I am, starting with you.” – Jim
“That will be tricky now that I control the city.” – Theo/Ciel
“… yeah” – Jim
Meanwhile, Nigma-Prime returns to the dead body in the M.E.’s office.
“Dude! We got away with murder!” – Nigma-Durden
“Feels good” – Nigma-Prime-Durden-Fusion-HA!
And with a sped up, bobble head scene, Nigma picks up a saw and laughingly goes to work.
What is this, Jacob’s Ladder?
Thanks for joining us on the constantly scene changing episode of Gotham. Catch again next week, if you feel like it. Or don’t, I won’t blame you.