Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
Nigma discovers a trailer home in the middle of the woods where a drunk, bleeding Pen Pen bursts out of the door!
“Mr Pen Pen?” – Nigma
“Help me” – Pen Pen
This week in Gotham
So we open with our bitter rivals, the Gotham Gazette, dropping off the daily paper while Tabby walks around the street on her way to a secret underground gambling ring, where apparently The Mistress/Missy from Dr. Who is hanging out.
Meanwhile, Babs is in a coma. Jim stops by… that is all.
Meanwhile, Nigma is helping nurse little Pen Pen back to health.
Meanwhile, back at the GCPD, Jim is rummaging around.
“Looking for this?” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Yeah, thanks” – Jim
“You left before I got up” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Yeah, couldn’t sleep.” – Jim
“Was I snoring?” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“What? No.” – Jim
“Are you sure? A big loud, rumbling barnyard snore? I’ve heard complaints, neighbors, airplanes.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“… You don’t snore” – Jim
“So you went and saw Babs at the hospital.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Yeah, she’s part of my case” – Jim
“No, this isn’t jealousy. That woman is the devil.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
Meanwhile, Baby Bruce invited Silver Cloud over to see if she knows anything about the ominous manila envelope. And then Alfy walks in
“Ah Miss Silver Cloud, that must have been your car idling down the road. In light of recent events I recommend you get back in it.” – Alfy
“Alfy! Not cool!” – Baby Bruce
“What, you think she was gonna tell you something?” – Alfy
“… Maybe. She’s my friend” – Baby Bruce
“No she’s not.” – Alfy
“…” – Baby Bruce
“Getting information out of a girl like that requires a level of deception you do not possess” – Alfy
Meanwhile, Jim has an awkward conversation in the elevator with some random dude. Made more awkward when the dude offers him caramel. Made even more awkward when the dude tries to murder him with a piano wire.
After receiving word that Jim survived, Missy invites other bounty hunters to take a shot at him.
“Hey Pen Pen, do you believe in fate? Recently, I’ve been going through a sort of change. What kind of change you ask?” – Nigma
“I didn’t-” – Pen Pen
“I started murdering people” – Nigma
“Well if you’re gonna murder me, then just get on with it. It would be a welcome relief” – Pen Pen
“Oh nononononono, I have know ill intentions for you” – Nigma
“Er… Then what are your intentions?” – Pen Pen
“I need advice. Can you be my guide on the path of murder?” – Nigma
Meanwhile, Jim wakes up his attacker and hauls him over to a window ledge in Theo/Ciel’s penthouse. Buzzkill Barney makes him stop.
“You know I don’t tolerate that kind of behavior!” – Barney
“Yeah, I know” – Jim
“It’s like the other day when you disobeyed my orders and got hit by a truck” – Barney
“Yeah, but I ended the day by putting Theo/Ciel behind bars! We need to push the boundaries!” – Jim
Further debate is cut off when another officer points out the goon squad is coming up.
“We just have to hold up here until backup arrives” – Barney
Good luck to Barney, Jim, Forensics Cortez and Officer Parks.
And Forensics is the first one to bite it, knife from behind. Great job team.
“You let me go or I’ll kill her [Parks]” – Elevator goon
“Know what I like about those glasses *BANG* They look like bullseyes” – Jim
“Let’s get out of here.” – Barney
“No! If we leave, the evidence will be toast!” – Jim
“Now you’re just looking for a fight” – Barney
Then Barney takes a knife to the leg. Now they have to stay.
Meanwhile, Nigma clues Pen Pen in that Jim arrested Theo/Ciel for kidnapping the Mayor.
“Aw man…” – Pen Pen
“Anywho, I brought this dude and tied him up. He worked for Theo/Ciel. Thought you might want to kill him, you know, for fun.” – Nigma
“… I’m going back to bed” – Pen Pen
Meanwhile, some dude is eating people and burning their bodies. Gotham, an exciting place for the whole family. Missy calls him up to kill Jim.
“So you eat people. Who am I to judge?” – Missy
Meanwhile, Jim gets Barney something to drink for his leg.
“EMT should be here shortly” – Jim
“Yeah, about the same time as our backup” – Barney
Yeah, what is with that response time? Theo/Ciel doesn’t live in the sticks or anything. We’ve gone from day to night and there’s still no help.
“So what’s up with you?” – Barney
“Oh, my crazy ex said I had a monster in me. My new Dr Girlfriend agrees.” – Jim
“What do you think?” – Barney
“Well, I almost blasted Bab’s face off with a shotgun. I almost crossed The Line” – Jim
What is this, Spec Ops: The Line?
“Let me tell you something about “The Line”, in my third tour, we got hit by a sandstorm while detaining some dudes. One kid tried to escape. I jumped on him, put my gun in his mouth, you know, for the threat. And then I pulled the trigger and blew his head off…” – Barney
I was going to make a “What is this, Pulp Fiction” reference but that seemed in poor taste.
“There is no Line! There’s just the LAW!” – Barney
What is this, Dredd?
“You were right Alfy, it was a bad idea to try and figure out what Theo/Ciel was up to.” – Baby Bruce
“Well, yeah.” – Alfy
“Yeah, I’m really tired now so I’ll go to bed.” – Baby Bruce
“Sounds good. By the way, I already sent that taxi off that was waiting down the road” – Alfy
“Er… I didn’t call a taxi” – Shifty eye Baby Bruce
“You really are a terrible liar” – Alfy
“I will NEVER GIVE UP!” – Baby Bruce
“I neither will I” – Alfy
Meanwhile, Nigma gives Pen Pen a motivational speech. Now that neither of them have anyone who loves them, they’re the best they can ever be.
So, the backup (see 2 cars = 4 cops) arrive to help our plucky heroes only to have the cannibal dude show up and kill them all.
“Hola, my name is Eduardo Flamingo” – Eduardo
“Is that name supposed to mean something to me” – Jim
Jeez Jim, don’t you read comics!
“I’m gonna eat the people down here first then eat you for dessert” – Eduardo
“I’m going down there to kill this dude” – Jim
So Jim goes and punches the crap out of the guy, sticks a gun in Eddy’s mouth and then screams out an “Ahhhhhhhh” before reading him his Miranda Rights.
Well, he didn’t shoot his gun up in the air going “Ahhhhhh” so I don’t get to make a Hot Fuzz reference. No points for Jim
Then Nigma and Pen Pen get drunk and eat Chinese while singing songs. Then Pen Pen decides he does want to murder the dude Nigma trapped in the closet.
Meanwhile, Baby Bruce is about to sneak out, when Kitten shows up.
“Dude your girlfriend is bad news, and I have proof.” – Kitten
Meanwhile, Eddy kills officer Parks in the middle of the GCPD by biting out her jugular. So…. only Barney and Jim made it out of there. Great job team.
It’s tough being a main character in a prequel series.
And then some hoods (literally dudes wearing hoods) show up at the docks and murder a security guard.
So yeah, that’s the episode…. yep. Next week it looks like Theo/Ciel gets out of jail. That should be fun.