Welcome to the Gotham Globe Times! Your weekly, unconventional recap of (and commentary on) the wonderful and magical world of Gotham, the television series. Join us on a whimsical adventure with the World’s Greatest Baby Detective “Baby Bruce” (played by Bruce Wayne), his trusty Butler Alfy (played by Alfred Pennyworth), his plucky on-again off-again girlfriend Kitten (played by Selina Kyle), his buddy cop Jim (played by James Gordon), Jim’s trusty Doctor Girlfriend Lee (played by Leslie Thompkins), his psychotic wife Barbara “Babs” (played by Barbara Gordon-Kean), and the ever flappable kingpin Pen Pen (played by The Penguin).
Previously on Gotham…
Nigma-Prime returns to the dead body in the M.E.’s office.
“Dude! We got away with murder!” – Nigma-Durden
“Feels good” – Nigma-Prime-Durden-Fusion-HA!
And with a sped up, bobble head scene, Nigma picks up a saw and laughingly goes to work.
What is this, Jacob’s Ladder?
This week in Gotham
So… we open the episode with Babs walking down the aisle to get married to Jim (for the practice run Jim says). Suddenly, she turns to find the guests are all dressed in prison clothes, Pen Pen’s the priest, Theo/Ciel’s on the organ and everyone starts laughing.
…And then a bird flies out of her mouth. Good times.
And then it’s not her who is getting married, but Dr. Girlfriend Lee!!!!! Laughter continues!
Oh thank goodness! It was all a dream. For a second there I was getting pretty worried.
She wakes up with a start and takes solace in the fact that her bed is littered with Tabby’s whips, chains and handcuffs.
Ooh, a present! And with a card too!
And what’s inside? A glowy transition! What is this, Pulp Fiction?
Meanwhile, Theo/Ciel is scheming and plotting.
“I’mma get Baby Bruce to sign over his company to me this morning.” – Theo/Ciel
“How?” – Tabby
“I’mma give him this ominous manilla folder.” – Theo/Ciel
“But we can’t have Jim interfere, but if he died suddenly Baby Bruce would be upset. So we just need to keep him occupied.” – Theo/Ciel
In walks Babs…
“I love my present! Does it mean what I think it means?” – Babs
“Today…. you get to kill… Jim Gordon!” – Theo/Ciel
Meanwhile, Jim tries to explain to Barney that all the latest crazy crime stuff was Theo/Ciel’s doing.
“Do you have evidence?” – Barney
“Er… well Pen Pen…” – Jim
“A criminal. You have no real evidence do you?” – Barney
“Er…. no.” – Jim
To his credit, Barney believes him, but knows there’s no way to win with nothing. 2 points for Barney
“Theo/Ciel’s dirty! I bet my life on it!” – Jim
“Well don’t!” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Don’t what?” – Jim
“Bet your life on it!” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“You’ve got that look in your eye. Don’t you do it Jim! Be cool!” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
Again, what is this, Pulp Fiction?
So Babs walks into the GCPD with her hands up and all the cops lose their minds!
“Hi Jim” – Babs
So they take Babs to interrogation and put Jim in with her.
“You wanna rough me up, just a little?” – Babs
“No, I want to help you?” – Jim
*Dr Girlfriend Lee is acting all pouty behind the mirror*
“But I’ve been a baaaaddd girl.” – Babs
Babs makes with the water works so Jim goes in for a kiss… not even kidding.
*Dr Girlfriend Lee continues pouting*
“If you take me to a special place, I’ll tell you everything you want to know!” – Babs
“I don’t know what’s going on here.” – Barney
“We should go along with her.” – Jim
“She’s obviously mentally ill.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“No way, she’s as sharp as a tac. This is a trap.” – Bullock
“Well kissing her didn’t help” – Barney
“I made a judgement call sir.” – Jim
“A judgement call? Really?” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
Meanwhile, in the forest, Nigma rolls up in an old beater. To drop off a suitcase. Into a hole.
Meanwhile, Silver Cloud gets a visit from Baby Bruce.
“Do you know why Theo/Ciel asked for me?” – Baby Bruce
“He said he had something for you. He was totally goofy.” – Silver Cloud
“… I can’t picture him goofy.” – Baby Bruce
Meanwhile, back at the GCPD, gun loading montage
“Here are the new recruits for our strike team. There fresh out of the academy, but they’re good” – Barney
It worked so well last time
“Jim’s too emotionally attached to this. I gotta know one of you isn’t gonna get sucked into all the mind games going on out there.” – Barney
“No worries. No one’s ever accused me of getting sucked into mind games” – Bullock
“It’s the only way.” – Jim
“Nuh-uh. This all about you. Her sickness and your sickness are making you do this” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“I’m not sick…?” – Jim
“You see an abyss and you run towards it. That’s not healthy.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
What is this Call of Cthulu? It’s already got the Arkham part.
Meanwhile, at Theo/Ciel’s place.
“What would you do if you found out who killed your parents?” – Theo/Ciel
“I would kill them.” – Baby Bruce
“What a little tiger you are.” – Theo/Ciel
“I have a dream.” (aside: what is this, Martin Luther King?) “but I need help with my dream. I need your help. If you can help me with my dream, I can help you with yours” – Theo/Ciel
Meanwhile, the Babs funtime police convoy heads out of the station.
Unrelated commercial commentary: I can’t tell of Krampus is a comedy or a horror movie. Have you seen the cast?
Meanwhile, back at Theo/Ciel and Baby Bruce
“Dude, Wayne Ent. is great and all, but they got some dark stuff going on. Toxic waste, illegal arms deals, horrible experiments. It has to stop” – Theo/Ciel
“I will totes stop this.” – Baby Bruce
“Nope. You can’t” – Theo/Ciel
“… but, I can” – Baby Bruce
“Nope, the board will totes murder people to keep secrets. Sell me your shares, and I can take care of it all” – Theo/Ciel
“… You want my company?” – Baby Bruce
“No no no…. well yes” – Theo/Ciel
“Wayne Ent. is my responsibility.” – Baby Bruce
“I can also describe in vivid detail the events leading up to your parent’s murder. If you sell me your company, I will give you this manilla envelope as a signing gift” – Theo/Ciel
Props to the kid for some solid emotion acting. 2 points Baby Bruce
“I need your answer by the end of the day.” – Theo/Ciel
Meanwhile on the super happy funtime Babs convoy, Jim tries to explain how Theo/Ciel is using her and going to kill her at the drop of a hat.
“You really don’t like Theo/Ciel do you?” – Babs
Meanwhile, Nigma breaks out the picnic basic and wine over the hole he dug where now lays a suit case.
“I thought we could have one last meal together.” – Nigma
“I take you by night, by day take you back. None suffered a happy but due from my lack (I have no idea if that’s the wording) what am I?” – Nigma
“That some sort of riddle?” – Random hunter guy who suddenly appears
“Geh! You shouldn’t sneak up on people” – Nigma
He proceeds to whack the hunter in the head with the shovel.
Meanwhile, back at the super amazing, happy, crazy, family funtime convoy, the team is driving down a boxed in alley. Barney says pull back, Bullock says “Can’t hear you Cappy”
“I love you Jim” – Babs
“Oh for God’s sake Babs I don’t give a -” BBBBOOOOOMMMMM
Truck beats car! 2 points to truck.
And the shoosting begins!
Jim comes to in time to pull out his gun but then gets a syringe in the neck.
Unrelated commercial commentary: Oh hey, an origin story for Moby Dick. All sorts of origin series coming out lately.
Meanwhile, back at the picnic grave. Someone ate Nigma’s sandwich while he was away.
“For a secluded forest, this place certainly has a lot of foot traffic” – Nigma
Meanwhile, in the Wayne Cave (Banananannanaanaaaaaa)
“Alfy, how long till I have the skills I need to take down corruption?” – Baby Bruce
“Quite a while, but you’ll get there” – Alfy
“How many will die before then because of corruption!” – Baby Bruce
“Er… what? Where’s all this coming from?” – Alfy
“Theo/Ciel wants me to sell him my shares so he can clean up Wayne Ent. He also has info on my parents’ killer” – Baby Bruce
“Which he’s offering in return right?” – Alfy
“…Yep” – Baby Bruce
“Well that’s not an offer then is it? That’s bloody extortion.” – Alfy
*some more solid acting follows, 10 more points to Baby Bruce*
“Is it wrong if I just want it to be over?” – Baby Bruce
Meanwhile, Jim wakes up in a church, tied to a chair, with Babs in a wedding dress wielding a shotgun.
“I know, I can’t believe it still fits!” – Babs
“What is all this?” – Jim
“Well this is my wedding dress. Over here (directs shotgun at tied up guy) is the priest, and these bozos (directs shotgun at tied up guys) who knows? But you can’t have a wedding without witnesses. That’s the law” – Babs
“You knew this was a trap all along. But your “Jim Gordon”! Let the bad guys take their best shot. I’ll figure out a way… or die. It’s option B baby” – Babs
“… I don’t wanna die” – Jim
And then they wheel in a tied up and taped Dr Girlfriend Lee.
“Hey girlfriend, we really need to talk about this bad boy” – Babs
Bullock figures out where Babs took Jim by listening to her rant about getting married during the super happy convoy ride. He grabs Barney and the two saddle up… cause Barney couldn’t just direct his super task force to surround the church I guess…
So Babs does her best at couples therapy for Jim and Dr Girlfriend Lee.
“I know who Jim is” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“How could you really if he doesn’t even know himself?” – Babs
“You were never going to spill the beans about Theo/Ciel!” – Jim
“Well, the old mayor is alive and well at this place in China docks. See, honesty. Your turn” – Babs
“Did he tell you what he did to get reinstated into the GCPD?” – Babs
“He killed a man for Pen Pen.” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Wow, points to Jim. You did tell her” – Babs
“We don’t keep secrets. I love him” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“But I love him more!” – Babs, pulls out a knife.
“I’mma carve your face up so you both know what true love is!” – Babs
“Okay, but one more thing!” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Uh, what?” – Babs
“Your dress! I love your dress! I just want to know where you got it” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“Oh, um.. well I – “ – Babs as Jim breaks free and grabs the shotty!
“There he is! My little monster” – Babs
“Don’t make me kill you.” – Jim
“Make you? Jim, you long to kill me.” – Babs
“?” – Jim
The shoosting begins as Tabby and crew show up as the GCPD arrives! Jim wings Tabby and kills the other goons. Jim chases Babs upstairs to the top of the cathedral. A scuffle follows and Babs goes out the window with Jim hanging onto her hand!
“Hold on! Hold on!” – Jim
“Sorry babe, I’ve been having a pretty bad day now” – Babs
“I love you.” – Babs
Whoop, she lets go
“NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Jim
“Some bushes broke her fall” – Dr Girlfriend Lee as the ambulance carts Babs away
“Not now, but when this is over we need to have a talk” – Dr Girlfriend Lee
“… yeah” – Jim
“Tell me you got something!” – Barney
“Oh yeah, the old mayor’s still alive. We should go get him” – Jim
And they do.
Meanwhile, Baby Bruce is meeting with Theo/Ciel
“Sign and this manilla envelope is yours” – Theo/Ciel
Pen inches closer…. touches paper…
“I’ve changed my mind. I can’t sell my company” – Baby Bruce
“Alfy! Get Baby Bruce away from him!” – Jim hustling in
Theo/Ciel throws the ominous manilla envelope into the fire
“You’re under arrest” – Jim followed by a *Biff*
“NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” – Baby Bruce as the manilla envelope burns
Meanwhile, Nigma, discovers a trailer home in the middle of the woods. Where a drunk, bleeding Pen Pen bursts out of the door!
“Mr Pen Pen?” – Nigma
“Help me” – Pen Pen
Thanks for coming everyone! We hope you enjoy the super happy funtime craziness that is Gotham, where everyone is more two faced than Harvey Dent.